They call me 'Potting Soil'
by Dragonsbane1611
Summary: (SH-NLG) WARNING: This story contains very playful, very much newlywed NLG. If you’re familiar with me, you know details aren’t my bag, but you know what’s going on. Read at your own risk.


Note: This is part of a series of little bursts of Neville and Luna goodness (NLG), and all my NLG is backstory for the epic 'Supposed Happiness' by MoonCroww. If you want to fully understand the whole situation and future events … toddle over and check it out. Thanks. ~Lady Roxyeth, Dragonsbane  
  
They Call Me Potting Soil  
  
Wed-Thu.25-26.Feb.2004  
  
***  
  
He was smiling when he opened his eyes. She was still sleeping as he stood and made his way to the bathroom. Yawning, he opened the taps and tested the water. Humming to himself, he climbed into the bath and washed up.  
  
He pulled the stopper from the drain and waited for the water to draw off completely before running a second bath for his wife. Water dripping to the tile floor, he studied his tousle-haired reflection in the looking glass as he pulled the towel off his head. He ran a hand over the scruffy makings of a next day beard and narrowed his eyes.  
  
"Arrrrr," he growled at himself, hooking a finger in the air.   
  
"Did you say something?" Luna questioned, appearing in the doorway.  
  
Neville thought for a moment, eyes still narrowed and shook his head.  
  
"Not really, no," he answered.  
  
She smirked at her husband and stepped to him. Placing her hands on the small of his back, she embraced him.  
  
"And you're going to get wet this way," he informed her, smirking a little at his own inadvertent innuendo.  
  
"It's a bit late for that now," Luna replied, kissing a water droplet from his chest and Neville wondered momentarily if that was what she was really referring to.  
  
"I've run a bath for you," he whispered, bending his head to kiss her forehead.  
  
"Why didn't you wake me before yours?" she wanted to know, quirking an eyebrow at him.  
  
"Figured you needed your rest," he told her honestly, a glint in his eye.  
  
"I'm more surprised, actually, that you're on your feet already."  
  
With that, she let go of him and walked around him, giving his backside a quick swat. She turned off the taps as she stepped into the tub and Neville watched her with a smile. Taking a deep breath, he went to their room and got dressed. Returning to the doorway a few moments later, he stood and observed her in silence.  
  
"Off with you," she declared, in a false scandalized tone, feeling his eyes on her back. "You've bathed already."  
  
"I'm the captain of this vessel. You'll take the orders from me, miss," he informed her in his best rendition of a pirate's slur as he sat down on the floor beside the bathtub.  
  
"Is that so?" his wife responded, eyebrows raised and eyes twinkling.  
  
"Aye, miss." He pulled his knees up and wrapped his arms around his legs.  
  
Luna folded her arms on the rim of the tub and rested her chin on them.  
  
"Kiss me," she demanded.  
  
"Aye, aye."  
  
  
  
***  
  
She had donned a dressing gown and had selected a skirt and blouse from the wardrobe, laying them out on the bed. Moving for the chest of drawers, she pulled the top one open.  
  
"Avast, ye!"  
  
Luna snorted and looked at him.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
Neville walked toward the bed and fingered the edge of the skirt she'd laid out. Eyeing her out of the corner of his eye, he smirked, "Arrrrr."  
  
Sighing, she turned back to the drawer and made her selection.  
  
"Avast, ye!" he exclaimed again, snatching the garment out of her hand.  
  
"Give me that," she laughed, one hand on her hip, the other held out expectantly.  
  
"I'll not have you wearing anything under that skirt, if yer not mindin', miss."  
  
"And if I am?"  
  
"I'm the captain of this vessel," he said again, tossing the skirt to her.  
  
She shook her head in exasperation.  
  
"I thought I was supposed to be the peculiar one."  
  
"As long as I'm the pirate."  
  
***  
  
Luna was humming to herself as she took inventory, making a few marks on the parchment in her hand.  
  
"Arrrrr," she heard from the front desk and smiled.  
  
Bending to peer into a crate of bouncing bulbs, she muttered, "Enumeratus."  
  
A number appeared before her eyes, but, just as she set her quill to write, she felt her skirt lift from behind. Yelping, she turned to see Neville walking away, one hand in his pocket, the other twirling a trowel.  
  
By the time she looked back at the bouncing bulbs, the number had disappeared and she had to do the spell over again.  
  
"You're distracting me from my work," she called, writing the number down on the parchment before he could do anything.  
  
"Arrrrr," he snarled, apparating to her side. He held up his left arm, and instead of a hand visible above the cuff, there was the trowel. He caressed her cheek with the cold blade of the tool and looked at her closely.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Neville Longbottom, captain of the Sapphire Dawn, pleased to make yer acquaintance," he whispered. She started to speak, but he reached his right hand around her and gripped the back of her skirt. "They call me 'Potting Soil' … and I'm taking you captive."  
  
He began pulling her skirt up little by little and she tried to push him away.  
  
"To the crow's nest with you."  
  
"Neville," she gasped, the parchment and quill falling from her hands along with the trowel as he lifted her and backed her against the wall. Her surprise turned to mirth as he buried his face into her neck. His scraggly beard was tickling her and she giggled as he wrapped her legs around his waist.  
  
The bell rang alerting them to the presence of customers and Neville set her on her feet, growling into her neck briefly before whispering, "I believe you're going to have to go below deck," then, calling happily as he left her in the back room, "Hello, what can I do for you?"  
  
Luna adjusted her skirt on her hips and caught her breath, wondering where 'below deck' was. She exited the backroom and he turned to her, "How soon can we get in Devil's Snare?"  
  
"Two weeks."  
  
"Two weeks," he repeated, looking back to the man before him. "Would you like me to order it?"  
  
The customer nodded and Neville went about the process of taking an order. Luna started to walk away, but he discreetly took hold of her skirt behind the counter. She stopped and casually leaned on the counter, biting back an amused smirk.  
  
Neville pushed a piece of parchment toward the man who took up a quill and began filling in his name.  
  
"Did you need something?" Luna ventured quietly.  
  
"I seem to remember telling you to get below deck," he muttered, not making eye contact with her, leaning on his palms on the countertop.  
  
She looked at him quizzically and he took a step away from the counter as the man handed the form back to him. Luna eyed him playfully, still pondering his request.  
  
"Thank you, have a nice day," Neville said as the man left. Glancing at her and noticing her deliberation, he let the order form drop out of his hand and to the floor. "Arrrrr, looky there," he pointed out, the pirate returning, and Luna narrowed her eyes at him. "Get that fer me, would you?"  
  
She quirked an eyebrow.  
  
"I'm the captain of this vessel and I've asked you to pick that up."  
  
Luna came to a conclusion and knelt behind the counter.  
  
He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and she gazed up at him.  
  
"Since yer down there … might as well swab the deck."  
  
She bit her lip.  
  
"Aye, aye, captain."  
  
Neville smiled and absently took in the people passing by outside as she situated herself in the empty space under the counter. She tugged lightly on his trouser legs and he stepped forward so his stomach was pressed against the edge of the desk.  
  
"Arrrrr," she mumbled, unfastening the button and zipper with her teeth.  
  
"I'm the pirate," he reminded her, leaning back a little to look at her.  
  
"Aye, captain."  
  
"Arrrrr," he repeated, straightening up.  
  
Neville inhaled sharply and gripped the edge of the counter. He let his breath escape slowly and closed his eyes, smiling a little.  
  
They remained that way, uninterrupted for a little while when Neville heard voices outside. Familiar voices.  
  
His eyes fluttered open and he saw Harry and Ron peering in the front window. They hadn't seen him yet and he quickly spread some papers out on the counter in front of him. Nudging Luna with his foot, part of him knew she should stop, but the rest of him wanted – needed – her to continue.  
  
Luna didn't disappoint.  
  
Harry caught sight of him and he and Ron moved to enter the shop. Neville cleared his throat and forced his eyes to focus on his two best friends as they entered.  
  
"Hi, guys," he saluted and Ron waved, a flutterby bush catching his eye.   
  
"Hey, Neville," Harry greeted happily, drumming his hands on the countertop. Luna jumped a little and bumped her head, eliciting a short outburst from Neville.  
  
The other men looked at him worriedly.  
  
"Stubbed my toe," he covered quickly and he knew Luna was smiling and suppressing laughter. "Just my toe. Hurt a little, that's all."  
  
"Take it like a man, Neville," Ron admonished, slapping the counter loudly. Luna was startled again, but didn't hit her head, acknowledging that her husband was, indeed, taking it like a man. Neville let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding and Harry looked at him oddly.  
  
"Your eyes are watering a little. Are you sure you're alright? Maybe you broke your toe."  
  
"No, no, I'm great. What brings you in?" Neville tried to change the subject and Ron snapped his fingers, leaning on the counter and looking away.  
  
"Hermione seems to think that we need a flutterby bush along the back fence," he informed him, studying the plant from a distance. "She wants to plant one for the baby." The last word was said through a goofy grin that Neville assumed only a soon-to-be-father could showcase properly. Harry, too, turned his attention to the trembling foliage.  
  
Luna wasn't one to be forgotten.  
  
"Oh, yes, baby," Neville gasped, momentarily disregarding the presence of his friends, but fixing it quickly when they looked back at him, "The baby! I almost forgot."  
  
"Yeah," Ron nodded, still smiling. "I'll forget in the mornings until I see Hermione. Then I get this warm feeling all over …"  
  
Neville nodded a few times, pursing his lips.  
  
"… and remember that I'm going to be a daddy."  
  
Harry smiled and patted the red-head on the shoulder and Neville attempted a casual noise of admiration, but it came out more as a squeak. He looked down at the desk quickly and realized he had crumpled up two order forms in his fists.  
  
"Where's Luna?" Harry asked. "I haven't seen her or heard her singing."  
  
"Out to lunch," came the reply as Neville smoothed the papers as best he could.  
  
"Without you?"  
  
"I'll eat later," he answered with a small shrug, trying to keep his voice from cracking. "She's getting me something."  
  
"I wish my wife would bring me lunch," Harry commented and Neville suddenly found it difficult to remain upright.  
  
"I can bring it by later, if you'd like," he said quickly, "The flutterby, I mean."  
  
"Oh, sure, that's fine. When should we expect you?"  
  
Ron stood straight and started for the door, Harry close behind.  
  
"We close at half-five. Sometime after that."  
  
"I'll tell Hermione you're staying for dinner."  
  
Neville didn't trust himself to speak, but smiled.  
  
"See you later, then."  
  
"Yeah, and give Luna our love," Harry added as they stepped outside. Closing his eyes, Neville let out a ragged breath and, gripping the far edge of the counter, struggled to keep his knees from buckling.  
  
"Oi!" Ron exclaimed, coming back inside. "How much do I owe you?"  
  
"Consideritagift," was the rushed response as Neville turned his face down toward the desk so Ron couldn't see his expression.  
  
"Oh, thanks, mate. See you tonight."  
  
Neville looked up only to make sure both Harry and Ron had walked away, before groaning loudly. He whispered her name into the stacks of parchment and his knees bent slightly, but he kept himself on his feet.  
  
Working to slow his breathing from where he was hunched over the counter, he hardly noticed when she zipped his pants and emerged from under him.  
  
"Deck swabbed, captain."  
  
Neville whimpered his endorsement and, taking a deep breath, stood to face her. He regained his composure and squinted at her.  
  
"Arrrrr, I'd like to see thee in the office, miss."  
  
"Should I put up the 'gone to lunch' sign?" she inquired, motioning over her shoulder. He grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the back room.  
  
"No, now."  
  
Releasing her hand, he locked the door behind them and spun on his heel to smirk at her.  
  
"Arrrrr," was all he said, as he crept toward her. "You might like to sit, miss."  
  
Luna looked at the desk behind her and raised her eyebrows at him questioningly.  
  
"There's no room for me to sit," she told him coyly.  
  
Neville had reached the desk and swiftly brushed the rolls of parchment and quills to the floor. Luna contemplated briefly what exactly had gotten into her husband, but was interrupted when he physically set her on the desk and laid her out.  
  
"Did you get me anything for lunch?" he asked, leaning over her and nibbling at her earlobe.  
  
"I'm sure you can find something."  
  
She felt him smile against her cheek.  
  
"Your beard is really rather tickly."  
  
"Arrrrr," came the response as he rubbed his chin against her neck.  
  
Luna laughed and Neville pushed up her shirt just enough to reveal her belly where he focused his attentions for the moment.  
  
The bell on the door rang again and she tried to sit up, but he held her down.  
  
Gruffly, he stated, "They'll leave."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
©2004 – Roxanne L. Martin, Writings From Behind The Red Door 


End file.
